Oh yeah, the Park Slope crowd is more my speed than Tish James’ assemblage could ever have been. For me, attending a de Blasio party is like a springy walk down the gentrified street, augmented with speeches, banners and drinks. Even my goo-coated sense of insufficiency is the same as in my day-to-day realm, though this time informed by my uncomfortable encounter with the man himself. Yes, the de Blasio woman is my kind of woman, the kind I would settle down with if she’d let me. The only impediment is the goo. But that goo comes from the mind, so a quick trip to the bar is apt to dam its flow.

“Andrew Lederer!”

Too late. I turn, sober au goo.

“It’s nice to see you.” (Can’t remember her name.)

“I’m surprised. You didn’t look too happy last time.”

“Yeah, I did consider deeming you dead to me, but then I remembered I may have been unctuous or over-attentive or even undesirable the time before and maybe your seemingly inexplicable hostility was due to that. Your attitude being perhaps my fault, I let you live, albeit in a rarely visited recess of my mind. You missed out, though. If you hadn’t cut me off that night, you might have learned…”

“Enough with the words already.”

“We are not made for each other.”

“Clearly. But how have you been? What have you been doing?”

“You don’t know? That explains your continued hostility. I’d think you would…”

“Stop putting so many words to every thought.”

“You might be less judgmental and a bit more obsequious if you knew I was now a (wait for it) congressman.

“No.”

“I’ll go get someone.”

The guard disappeared and I realized I had a moment of opportunity. I could give in to the voice in my head that says, “Run awaaaaaaaaaaay.”

I didn’t want to be conspicuous. Conspicuousness in this context could only be embarrassing. I was the guy who says, “I’m on the list.” Desperation defined me.

Herr Gatemeister returned.

“Look, you don’t have to get anybody. If I’m not on the list and you don’t feel you can let me in, I’m happy to…”

De Blasio strolled out, all tall and handsome. Oh, why did it have to be him?

“Somebody said they’re a friend of mine??”

“I didn’t say that, I…”

De Blasio squinted.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Andrew Lederer, I…”

“Oh, yeah. The guy with the video.”

“Yes, but I’m now a…”

“You can come in.”

Hah! It hadn’t been too embarrassing. I followed the mayor-elect as the crowd sounds and yuppie pulsations grew stronger.

“Andrew, you didn’t have to be nasty to my associate.”

“I wasn’t nasty, I was sar…”

Mister Mayor(-elect) was gone.