“Congressman, what do you think about the government shutdown?”

“I think it was great.”


“Wow. You GOT that. You’re a hipper crowd than I expected. I expected fulminating lunatics like you see on the news. But I guess those town halls are south of the Macy/Gimbel line.”


“Are you disappointed by the problems with the rollout of Obamacare?”

“Nah. It gives the right something to dance about that won’t really change anything and in the meantime, they’re not out dismantling everything that’s good and pure in the name of a Constitution they seem to have read only in a bad English translation of an earlier translation into Laotian.”


“You bring up something I’ve been wondering about, Congressman, whether our representatives have even read the document they’re sworn to uphold. Sir…have YOU read the Constitution?”

“Sure. In the original Laotian.”


“Seriously, though, have you ever actually read our foundation document?”

“Um… (long pause) Parts of it.”


“The GOOD parts.”

Some laughs.

“One thing I know is there’s nothing in it that prevents a sitting congressman from getting rich. Why should only rural congressmen get rich guy welfare for, like, owning a farm? I’m gonna get me a rooftop farm like they have in Bushwick, then let those guvamint dollars come rollin’ at me, while the unworthy Food Stamp recipients shiver like Dickensian urchins.”

No audible reaction.

“You didn’t get that one?”


“Have I told you how much I look forward to meeting some of the more attractive MSNBC pundits?”


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